Let it all out on me

 

L felt uncertain about so many things. Had she lost Macy? Was she just a player like anyone else? No, L felt as if she were the player, and of course, deep down, even Emmie knew she shouldn't be playing with her life this way. After all, L was a diabetic.

She didn't let many know this secret because L found people would be judgmental. Either tell her not to eat this or that, or THE PITY.

She hated it. Yes, she hated her life very much. It was either trying to get out on her own or being a spinster tucked away at her Aunt's, waiting for one appointment after another.  No one wanted to say it, but she was doomed. 

She listened to all the terrible, sad, and sometimes tragic endings of those in her family who were gone now, during the holidays. Her Aunt kept everyone's history in a book, making everything sugar-free, fat-free, and of course, no bread or anything like white food around. L had lasted all of six weeks there when her mother decided to go on an adventure to Sweden. 

Nothing like being diabetic and Swedish. Of course, all this time her mom thought they were Irish, and then she found out from a DNA test that all their ancestors were from Sweden. Yes, her mom was searching for her own history and decided to find new roots through an online friend, and now lives her own fairytale.

Granted, it was good to be away from each other. It wasn't like L had been a diabetic all her life, either. They'd had some good times, car camping, living without electricity in the outback of Arizona when L was small. But when she started school, her mom moved back to her parents' (L's grandparents) to have a more stable life. It wasn't until L was seventeen, after an acute case of pneumonia, that they found out she was diabetic. And she'd been sick ever since.

Still, she managed through college, knowing she had to do something dependable to be independent. And so far it had worked out fine, getting the job in marketing and statistics, but some days she might as well be girl Friday. She still might have to think about going into the postal service. She just needed to stay healthy.

Her life was just getting by. These days, there were so many beeps and warnings to worry about in her body. Maybe the hospital had put a tracker on her, and she didn't know it. L felt as if she would be Bionic, someday.

But tonight, she didn't have to be alone, meeting up with Wade and Winne. Oh, the coupling. Well, L wasn't sure how to introduce Emmie. It wasn't a date. If it was... L thought she might have heart failure.

At least, L didn't have to drive. Emmie pushed in for directions on her phone, and they were on their way in Emme's little white jeep. She'd even found a top for her from Emmie's closet.  Of course, she'd never warn it herself. It was something her friend got for her; she didn't know how many birthdays ago.

"You can keep it," Emmie said. "It looks better on you."

L did her best to smile. But it wouldn't be easy. They beat Macy and Jake to the steakhouse. 

"Oh, it's you." Wade gave her a dead stare as if this were unexpected. "Who's this?"

L squinted. She hated her co-worker Wade, who always managed an endless list of things for her to do.

"Uh, Emmie."

Emmie was cordial, but somehow came off like she might be an off-duty officer of some kind. They sat next to Winnie, whose father was the big shot at the company, but thankfully not here for this casual affair. 

Just when they were looking at their menus, L heard Winnie whisper-shout to Wade. "Oh, he's cute, like K-Pop cute." Winnie bit a grin.

Ready.Set.Sleep

 

Macy was thrilled to have Jake around. Of course, she was certain he sounded like a big brother. It baffled her. Was that why he was here?

"I've just wanted to see you," he promised. They'd stayed up most of the night talking about everyone she used to work with and little about his ongoing library classes.

"What are you going to do?" She smiled at him as if he probably had enough knowledge to be a professor already. He was just an Inter Library Loan Librarian at the moment.

"I don't know, I just want a better job, too." He shrugged. "My grandfather was always big on knowledge, but I don't think this was the kind of knowledge he had in mind for me." He laughed about the matter. "He wishes I were a doctor, but blood makes me squeamish," Jake said. He'd tried early on to be a Phlebotomist, but just couldn't do it. "I mean, it was fine in the beginning, but then I started thinking about it and." He shook his head, no. "I got dizzy. I fainted. And then, when I kept telling myself I could do it. Cause I was told I was the best in the class at finding the correct vein...But I kept throwing up, so yeah, I'm no good in an emergency, evidently."

Macy grinned back. It was sad but funny. She didn't know why he wanted to tell her the worst instead of the best of himself, but it didn't matter. She took both of his hands as if to console an old wound.

"But you, you're going to be just fine, in Chicago."

Her burst of laughter left her with a bad cough, and he went to get her water as they sat at the foot of her bed, which was too big to sleep alone in. Yet, after a sip of water, they were back to who would sleep where. No way did she want to sleep on that couch in the livingroom. It was either slippery or noisy. She didn't want Jake to sleep there either.

"I don't know why we just can't sleep together?" Macy looked at him blankly. The bed was large enough for both and even long enough for Jake's height.

"No, I didn't come all this way," he winced. "You know-"

"What? To seduce me?" Macy smirked.

They both laughed. However, he said he could sleep on the floor.

"No, you...you know, you have jet lag." She was serious.

"It wasn't that long of a flight." He looked at her blankly.

"No, you take the bed."

"NO you sleep in your bed." His eyes opened wide as if it were the right thing to do.

Finally, after another cup of yogurt and way after midnight, Jake took the bed, and she slept on several blankets on the floor. She didn't want to tell him how hard the floor was. After getting up in the night, tired from the floor. Macy took her pillow and got on the other side of the bed. Sleeping on the very edge, hoping he didn't notice.

Let's not talk about it

 Emmie wasn't sure what she was stepping into when she got on the elevator. After all, she'd decided to walk down the hall to where someone lived that she hoped she might spot again, or have some breathtaking romantic encounter. Who was she kidding? Was she an immature freak of some kind?

Actually, she was glad she hadn't seen him because she didn't know what to say. She was sure it would be all wrong. No, she got on the elevator just as someone was getting off. But...

Something was odd. Something a little strange. The lanky blonde looked so clammy and pale. She was shaking.

"Hey, are you OK?" Emmie stopped her; the elevator wanted to shut, but Emmie held it back

The girl took a breath. Emmie knew she needed help. Although she mumbled something about it, she would be fine. 

"Let me help you," Emmie took her by the arm, then held her up before she fell. "I just live down the hall. I've seen you around. My name is Emmie."

The girl nodded and finally said, "L."

"L? Just L." Emmie would have never thought of that. 

Emmie's door was unlocked. This surprised Emmie as if she might have an early dementia of some kind. What was going on with her lately?

She helped L to the couch and turned on the kettle for some tea. She told her she'd make a whole pot. "I got this teapot from a co-worker at Christmas, and I haven't even used it." Emmie found herself rambling as she dragged out every presentable pack of cookies she could find in her cupboard.

After she laid that out on the coffee table, Emmie remembered. "Oh, should you not have cookies?" She didn't want to ask if she was diabetic, but she might be.

"No, no, it's fine."

L's sad eyes looked at Emmie as if she might be coming down on some drug. She smashed a graham cracker practically in her mouth.

Emmie went back to the kitchen to fetch the tea. She asked if she wanted any milk or sugar. L shook her head, no.

For a while, Emmie sat on the other end of the couch just watching L wolf down a sleeve of chocolate-covered graham cookies.

"Sorry," she sighed. "I just..I just messed up, you know."

"Uh, huh." Emmie nodded, unsure what she was agreeing to. Maybe it wasn't about food. Maybe something emotional had happened. "Sometimes, it's like that. I left my door unlocked."

"I don't even know if I have my key with me," L told her as she fell back against the couch. "I've been an idiot lately." She pressed her lips tight and looked at Emmie as if she needed to explain herself.

"Well, if it's not being an idiot, it's coming down with the flu." Emmie took a sip of her tea and finally gulped down hers. Emmie poured her another cup.

L talked about someone she'd met in the building who works where she works. "I guess I was crazy, you know, thinking she needed a big sister or something. Really, I don't always try to help other people, but with Macy, it's different. She's.." L smiled and shook her head. "Yeah, she must know I'm an idiot. but I kind of doubt it. She's so-" L winced hard. "Oblivious...but I'm probably the one who's oblivious."

"I understand." Emmie nodded. "I don't date. I don't even flirt, and my friend brought this guy from down the hall to her birthday, which we were celebrating at my place." Emmie was quiet then thinking she'd said enough, but the way L was looking at her she knew she needed to say more. "Well, we talked. He's a pretty good cook, evidently. And you know, it was nothing really, but I kept thinking-" Emmie did her best to laugh, "It was really nothing."

"I don't know if it would even matter if I did try to fight for her-" L shrugged. "Do I look like a winner to you?" She shook with laughter. "I don't know, I know she was so happy to see him. And well, I did feel happy for her too. He was just somebody she used to work with when she lived with her boyfriend in Colorado."

L stared into space.

"Well, I can't see myself ever actually dating somebody like him. I mean, he's huge. Really huge."

L turned to Emmie. "What are we actually talking about?"

"Oh, nothing. Absolutely nothing." 

Emmie smiled and poured herself another cup of tea.

L said she was feeling better. "I'll treat you to dinner." She looked at her brightly. "Are you doing anything tomorrow night?" 

"What?" Emmie found herself smiling.

"I know everyone will be a couple there, but me." She said she didn't even really want to go, but she was sure Macy would want her to. 

"Sure," Emmie said before she could think about it. After all, she'd always wanted to go to that steakhouse that L spoke of.